New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize