I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize