would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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