does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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