I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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