dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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