Kareoke will never be a sober sport
smell my finger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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