Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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