I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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