Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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