We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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