And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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