when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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