Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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