i jhust puked up my retainher.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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