Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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