How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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