I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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