Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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