i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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