i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize