my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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