If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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