That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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