I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
God, I missed his penis.
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