Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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