Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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