listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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