I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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