I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize