I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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