If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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