so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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