I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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