Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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