oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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