fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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