I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize