I'd wear matching sweaters with you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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