All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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