My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize