A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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