I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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