I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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