Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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