once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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