Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize