my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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