How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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