**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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